This is the title of my blog.

So much has happened since the last time I blogged. I'm worried that if I don't catch up now, I never will. So here's the lowdown...

 

We moved to Murray.

 

Grace turned 3.

 

 

Sadie had puppies.

 



We celebrated Easter.





Henry's trying to be modest.

 

 

 

Henry started walking, finally, at around 15 months.

 

 

We made a water blob that lasted about 5 minutes.

 



 

I took Grace on a date to see a play.

 

 

 

The puppies are getting bigger

 

 

 

 

Summer finally came

 

We went to the Museum of Natural Discovery at Thanksgiving Point

 

 

 

Besides that, everything's pretty normal around here. Jeff goes to work, and I scream at kids all day. Jeff wants me to add that he's growing a beard. I guess it's a pretty big deal. To him I mean. His life isn't very eventful. I threw my back out, so I'm super cranky. I can't believe I'm old enough to say that. That's embarrassing. Grace is still her naughty self. Our AC doesn't work. Our toilet broke for a few days. We had to go pee on top of all the old pee, and then if someone pooped Jeff had to plunge the crap out of it. Literally. Having 10 dogs and 2 naughty kids is a little bit rough. Jeff is naughty too, so I guess it's like having 3 naughty kids. But we are surviving. We still love each other, so far. I was called to be in the primary presidency, so that makes things even more crazy around here. I had to buy a planner to keep my schedule straight. I think most people have that stuff on their phone now. I'm so old school. Some lady at Winco talked to me for like a half an hour about how the government is watching everyone through their smart phones. She said that young people like me think she's weird, because she doesn't have one, and I told her I don't have one either, and she praised me for 10 minutes. I loved it. But then I got annoyed, because the people behind us in line were starting to get annoyed, and I didn't want them to think that I was the annoying one. I hate being the annoying one. Anyway, I don't know why I told you all that. I have to go to bed now. Keep it real. Whatever that means. Oh yeah! Grace is starting school on Wednesday. Well, summer school. She's so excited. She picked out her own backpack, and takes it everywhere with her. I love that she's getting so big. Because that means I can send her away for a few hours every day. Serenity now. Bye. 

 



Just a normal Saturday morning

I took a bath.

Jeff started changing Grace's poopy diaper, but got distracted with letting Sadie outside.

Grace got poop on the carpet.

Jeff cleaned poop off the carpet with the kids bubbles. Still foaming. I'm still pissed.

Henry scrubbed bubble poop into the carpet with his bare hands.

Sadie threw up in the kitchen.

Henry played in throw up in the kitchen before someone noticed it.

Henry threw a frying pan down the stairs and broke it.

Grace pooped her pants.

I fried up some bacon for Sadie's breakfast. She eats better than we do.

Grace washed her face with toilet water.

Sadie shredded a poopy diaper on the front lawn.

I'm sorry for the number of times I said poop or poopy in this blog. I hate myself for it, but it had to be done. Here's some pictures that have nothing to do with this post.

Business Time

Sadie is pregnant. I'm about 90% sure. I caught her eating grass yesterday, and all she wants to do is sleep. I bread her about a week and a half ago. It was her first sexual encounter, and my first watching of a sexual encounter. I felt a little intrusive watching her, but how can you not watch? When we got there the owner of the stud brought her dog out, and they got right down to business. I kept laughing and laughing. I made cheesy sex jokes at first, but I was the only on laughing, so I gave up after a while. They had a hard time making a connection, if you know what I mean, so it started getting less funny, and more stressful. The other lady thought maybe we had waited too long in her cycle, and it wasn't going to happen. At one point she had her face down by Sadie's butt trying to help her dog get his goods in the right spot. He sprayed her in the face with his man juices. You heard me. That really happened. After like 2 hours, we were about to give up, and they finally got it right. We had to hold them like that FOREVER. I had Henry crying and pulling my hair, and Grace trying to play with the dogs for the longest 15 minutes of my life, but they did the deed, and now Sadie is a woman. Hopefully in a few months we'll have a litter of goldendoodle puppies.

 

Mom Problems

Those of you who see me in my real life (because this isn't real life right now) know that we're still struggling with sleep. If you see me it's obvious, because of how pissed I look. Grace still wakes up and wants something at some point during the night, probably one out of three nights. Henry wakes up about every hour all night long for no reason. Right now he is sick, and I've had him in bed with me, so I can keep a close eye on him. I can't sleep with Henry. I feel so claustrophobic, and I start to itch, and I feel too hot or too cold, and then it's morning, and I'm devistated. Life is so hard right now, and I want to scream, and cry, and run away, and never come back. Some days I wake up and decide I'm going to have a good day, no matter what. But some days I don't, and then I struggle, every second of the entire day. I struggle with who I am, because I don't have time for me. I talk too much because I'm desperate to have a voice. I question everything I do, and worry that I'm doing everything wrong. But once in a while I hear a little voice in my head that says I'm doing alright. The fact that I feel this way shows that I'm giving my family everything that I have. There's nothing left for me, and that in itself nourishes me. Sometimes I feel so trapped here, but at the same time it's so liberating. I don't care what I look like, I don't care what I eat, I don't care what the prettier mom's at church think about me. I don't even care if I haven't said a single prayer without interruption, or read my scriptures by myself in months. Grace kisses me 12 times before she goes to bed every night, and when she walks into my room in the morning, and hears my voice telling her good morning, her smile is so big. Henry can't even look at my face without smiling. To my family I'm the best mom ever, and they're the only ones that matter. Right now we're in the thick of it, but I see places where my rough edges are being worn away. Slowly I'm becoming who I'm meant to be, and I think the secret is that it's not even about me. Just please let me get some sleep! Like seriously, I'm going to have a nervous breakdown.

I'm not a scrooge.

I've been getting a lot of requests for a blog post lately. I don't know why. My life is very bland. I mostly like to blog about funny things that happen, but things have not been very funny around here. We've been sick for like 2 weeks. I was sick on Christmas day! Stupid Santa. We have this home video from when I was like 3, of us opening presents on Christmas morning. Sarah opened a toy guitar and I got a toy saxophone. The video just shows me staring at Sarah with this look of pure jealousy, and then I say, "stupid Santa...". Jeff thinks it's the funniest thing ever, and he talked about it almost every day leading up to Christmas. Whenever I told him we got a gift from someone he'd say, "Was it good or was it a stupid Santa?"

I've really been loving my life lately actually. Being a mom makes me really happy, and I'm kind of starting to like Jeff. We've reached a point in our marriage where we rarely fight. And if we do I just make him sleep on the side of the bed that got peed on that day. Tonight we had date night for the first time in too long. I've been stuck in this house with these crying kids for 2 weeks, and I could not wait to get away from them. We went to the mall to return some clothes for Jeff and get dinner. We almost went to a movie, but we ended up just coming home, and putting the kids to bed, because I missed them. Now I'm laying in bed on the pee side, and Jeff's watching a movie with my mom. Stupid date night.

So speaking of Christmas, can we find a solution to the problem of having to buy a present for everyone and their dog? I know lots of people do homemade gifts, but I don't really want to homemake anything. I can't finish things I start. It's not that I don't want to give you a gift, but....yeah that's pretty much what it is. That's not even what Christmas is about. It's supposed to be celebrating the birth of Jesus, and having gift anxiety does not help me feel the Christmas spirit. It just stresses me out. Am I going to regret saying this? I'm just going to stop talking.

Now. Things that must go in 2014:
#1. Candy Crush. Just stop playing it already.
#2. Iphones altogether. They're sucking your life away, and you're probably watching way too much porn on them anyway.
#3. doTERRA. Everybody knows that you can buy oils from someone besides doTERRA right? I'm just sick of that word. You can carry on using them. Just stop saying that word. And stop writing it. I hate the way it looks.
#4. Facebook articles on everything. Judging, not judging, being gay, hating gays, not yelling, GMO's, vaccinations.....I just feel like there are too many people talking all at once. No more information. Everybody be quiet.

That's all. Bye.

Sorry Dead Grandma

A few months ago Jeff's Step-Grandma died. She was living in California with Jeff's Dad and Step-mom at the time, so we decided to take the bereavement that Jeff's work offers, and drive down for the funeral. We really didn't know her at all. I hadn't even met her. But we had been wanting to take a trip to California for a while, and this was a good excuse. Sorry Grandma. So we drove down during the night, and got there early the day before the funeral. Jeff's Step-Mom was planning the whole thing, and we were staying at their house, so saying that we were in the way is an understatement. Grace was, of course, running around grabbing everything off of shelves, getting into the fridge, scattering life insurance papers, and screaming a lot. I was pretty embarrassed since this was my first time meeting Jeff's family (besides his Dad). We tried to keep out of the way as much as we could. The day of the funeral arrived, and Grace was still being extra naughty. I think lack of sleep, and her normal routine was wreaking havoc on her. We got to the church, and they were behind schedule, so Grace ran around the halls hiding from me, and screaming for about an hour. Finally they said it was time to start, and brought all the family into the viewing room for a prayer before the funeral started. This is when Grace really outdid herself. I swear I've taught her to fold her arms and close her eyes for prayers, but that day she thought it would be funny to run away from me. I let her go at first, thinking she'd come back when I didn't chase her, but she was looking back at me and laughing hysterically, so I got up to get her. She really thought this was hilarious, so she started running again, laughing the whole time. I'm chasing her down the aisle of chairs, everyone is staring at us, and she runs behind the casket. She actually bumped into it, and I saw it rock a little bit. While Jeff's whole family watched, I chased Grace around the casket, and out the back door. And to top it all off, I was so mortified at the whole situation that my first instinct was to laugh. So while I was chasing her out from behind the dead lady, and everyone was watching, I was laughing. The end.

It's Just Carrots

It's been so long since I've blogged I don't even know where to start. Just kidding. Nothing interesting has happened. Our life is super boring. I'm really happy with it though. The kids are growing, Jeff's job is going well, my hair is looking really good. I just want to write an update on the kids, so I won't forget the little things that make me so happy. Grace is fully potty trained, and it was so easy. She practically did it all herself. Lately she's been really mischievous. The other day I watched her get into my purse and take out some lipstick. Then she looked at me watching her, stuck it behind her back, and told me she needed to go hide for a minute. Henry is 9 months old now. He's about to crawl any minute. Maybe he is crawling. I'll put him down on one side of the floor, and leave the room, and when I come back he's on the other side of the room. I don't know what's happening. I've taken up swearing, and it feels so good. Grace cleaned out a coat closet in the living room, and put a bunch of her toys in it. She calls it her truck. We just might be moving to the Solomon Islands. Have you heard of them? Nobody has. Jeff's uncle recruited him for a job there, so if they offer him the job we have a big decision to make. Sadie turned 3 on Halloween. We forgot her birthday, and didn't buy her any presents. I don't know how I'm going to make it up to her. We're vegetarians now, and I love it. I feel so much healthier. Lots of people ask me why I decided to go vedge. I saw a live pig be thrown into a boiling pot of water at a slaughterhouse. That and meat is full of so many nasty things. You don't even know what you're eating anymore, and I want to know what I'm putting in mine and my kids bodies. As for Jeff, he still eats hotdogs from the gas station, so he'll probably die early. Henry has his dad's luscious lips. Sometimes he'll pucker, and just stare at you. He knows he's so good looking. He also knows how to whistle. If I ever catch Grace doing something naughty she gets that deer in the headlights look and says, "Don't talk to me!" She also lies sometimes. Like today I caught her on the kitchen counter digging in her trick or treat bucket, and when I asked her what she was eating she said, "It's just carrots."