Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Jeff Scares Me

Jeff is insanely good at scaring people. Or maybe I just get scared really easily. I hadn't thought of that until now. He is always hiding around a corner or crouching behind the furniture. He has been scaring me multiple times a day for the last 6 years. Sometimes he scares me without even hiding at all. I'll pretend I didn't get scared, but I'm a terrible liar, so he just has to look at my face to know he got me. Lately I've been trying to get him back. When we go up for bed at night, I'll pretend to go upstairs while he turns off all the lights, and then I'll hide on the bottoms step, waiting for him to come. The problem is, he takes too long. He'll stand there checking his phone, or he'll go in the kitchen and start brushing his teeth (does anyone else find that disgusting?) I'm not a patient person, and I also have ADD, so if he takes longer than about 30 seconds, I've gone to bed, or forgotten what I was doing, and moved onto something else. Sometimes it would have been a perfect scare, except Sadie comes around wagging her tail thinking she's such a good girl to have found me, and gives me away. Occasionally I'll get into position, Jeff will turn out all the lights, and I'll get scared. You probably know this by now, but I loathe our house. When all the lights are off, it's completely dark. Like, can't see your hand in front of your face, dark. We also have cockroaches. We have so many spiders that I don't even bother trying to kill them anymore. There are a lot of terrifying things that can happen while crouching on the stairs, in the dark. Anyway, here's to hoping I can finally get my crap together enough to scare my husband. Also, I really want to post pictures, but I can't log in to blogger on the computer for some reason, and it can't find my pictures on my phone. I'm sure there's an easy way to fix it, but I don't know what it is. Technology...*thumbs down*

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Shit Shave and Shower

I don't usually say swear words. Swearing makes me feel like one of those trashy girls I went to high school with in Payson. Like the ones I see on Facebook drinking beers and posing in their bikinis that they probably think they look really good in. Sometimes when I'm really pissed, like fuming mad, I'll say swear words in my head, and then I always feel guilty and have to repent later. Once in a while when Jeff and I get in a doozy of a fight, I'll say some swear words, and then later we always laugh about it, because I never really know how to put my swear words into a sentence, and they come out sounding ridiculous. The only time I can really get away with a good swear is at night when Jeff tells me he's going to shave and take a shower. For the next 15 minutes or so, I'll walk around the house saying "shit, shave, and shower." If you slurr all the words together, then you're not really swearing, after all.

I know what you really want is a picture of me in a bikini, holding a beer, but instead, I'll leave you with this picture of me doorbell ditching with my sister.