Wednesday, November 11, 2009


“Verily, verily, I say unto you, I will impart unto you of my Spirit, which shall enlighten your mind, which shall fill your soul with joy; and then shall ye know”

Sometimes the feeling is like a memory. We first learned the gospel in our heavenly home. We have come to this earth with a veil of forgetfulness. And yet lingering in each of our spirits are those dormant memories. The Holy Ghost can part the veil and bring those things out of their dormancy. Often my reaction to a supposedly new-found truth is, “Oh, I remember that!”

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Hilton High Honors

So I went to visit Steffy at the Hilton today.

Lady: I got locked out of my room.
Steffy: ........oh did you want to get back in?
Lady: ........*silence*..........

Man: So does my card get me into my room?
Steffy: Let me see your card.
Man: hands her his car keys

Conclusion: Hilton rocks.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


I'm going to work on being quiet and listening more. I've had a real problem with that lately, and I think it's because I have ADD, or maybe just because I have bad manners. I don't know which. Anyway, I've been getting really sweaty when I run lately. I didn't used to ever, and I didn't used to smell bad either, but now I do both. I don't know if I'm supposed to say "used to" or "use to". I think maybe I'm going through menopause. Or maybe my deodorant has gone bad. Should I try rubbing deodorant all over my whole body? I wore my retainer for the first time in forever last night, and now my teeth hurt so bad. I'd rather just have crooked teeth. K. Bye.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Meet the Parents

Rule #1- Don't tell his mom to shut up.
Rule #2- Don't talk to his grandma about how much you like "old lady clothes".
Rule #3- Don't make jokes about rubbing his uncles behind the ears.

(I don't really know who these people are)

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Duck in bathroom...

poop on floor. I'll punch someone in the face.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

A day at the office

8:09 A.M.- I sneak in late.
8.17 A.M.- Sergio asks if I've missed him. I tell him no.
9:30 A.M.- I notice Kris is high.
10:15 A.M.- Sergio mentions how he went to a concert he thinks I would have loved, but couldn't tell me because he doesn't have my phone number. I tell him he's an idiot.
11:00 A.M.- I go to lunch early.
11:30 A.M.- Kris notices that someone stole her lean cousine.
11:30-12:30 P.M.- Kris goes around the office letting everyone know that someone stole her lunch. I laugh hard.
12:27 P.M.- Gary (short man, partly bald, jeans high enough you can see socks and then some skin) walks by my desk. I tell him he smells good.
12:29 P.M.- Gary IM's me and tells me that he's too old for me and that I need to stop hitting on him.
12:30 P.M.- I walk by Gary's desk and tell him how nice he looks.
12:30-2.22 P.M.- I pull files, and listen to two girls using teamwork to put files in numerical order. They talk through the entire process like it's the most important job in the world. I love them.
2:22 P.M.- I find Michelle hiding under my desk reading a book about how to not scream at your kids.
2:24 P.M.- Someone asks me who I'm talking to, and I say myself.
3:01 P.M.- An alarm goes off. No one moves or says anything about it.
3:23 P.M.- Bob makes a dirty joke. Victoria doesn't laugh, but says that's funny over and over. Victoria has a slight lisp.
3:48 P.M.- I sneeze and Shawn tells me to be quiet.
3:51 P.M.- Jenn comes over to ask me if when I'll be done with the audit. Jenn smacks her gum in my ear like a five year old. I hate her.
4:00 P.M.- Everyone leaves.
4:20-4:55 P.M.- Michelle and I talk about how much we hate our bosses, and both leave early.

Friday, July 31, 2009

It's what fun isn't.

Are you coming with us for office Lagoon day?

Is it free?


Do I get the day off?


Why don't you go back to your own cubicle.

Monday, July 27, 2009


1. When people call their friends their besties. .
2. When people turn the music in my car down.
3. My bad handwriting.
4. The metal plate on bathroom doors. I'll push wherever I feel like.
5. People who sing too loud in church. It's not a competition.
6. The little scratches around the key hole on my car that let everybody know that I have a hard time getting the key in.
7. People who leave messages every time they call just to let me know that they called as if I can't see that already.
8. People who make up their own nicknames for themselves, and are the only ones who use them.
9. The word panties.
10. Has been deleted for inappropriate content.
11. Good times.
12. People who start a sentence with pretty much. It doesn't make sense, and it's not cool.
13. Awesome spellers.
14. People who don't think water ballooning is funny.
15. When my eyebrows sweat.
16. Make-out hair. I hate tangles.
17. People who don't like me. If you don't like me you're just rude.
18. Rodeos
19. Dryer static

And for your looking pleasure....


Wednesday, June 24, 2009

How rude.

Please acknowledge me when I try to insult you. It takes much effort, and a great deal of thought.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

I got kicked off of facebook

I don't think this needs any more explanation.

(This is not me)

Monday, June 15, 2009

Dear apartment 1213

Is it really necessary to write your name on all your food? Nobody wants to eat your five pound tub of cottage cheese. But because you wrote your name on it....I just might.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Kind deeds? I think not.

No I wont pick up your papers from the printer. Not even if you leave them there for a half an hour as I pick mine up over and over and you look hopefully in my direction out of the corner of your eye. I will be ignoring yours. And in addition to the casual glare you're getting from me as I walk back to my desk you can assume you're also getting a royal eff you. Not for being so lazy, or even for letting me do all the work in paper picking up, but solely because of that sneaky little glance you gave me without just asking to me to pick them up in the first place.

Monday, June 1, 2009

"The world can at times be a frightening place in which to live. The moral fabric of society seems to be unraveling at an alarming speed. None—whether young or old or in-between—is exempt from exposure to those things which have the potential to drag us down and destroy us. Our youth, our precious youth, in particular, face temptations we can scarcely comprehend. The adversary and his hosts seem to be working nonstop to cause our downfall.
"We are waging a war with sin, my brothers and sisters, but we need not despair. It is a war we can and will win. Our Father in Heaven has given us the tools we need in order to do so. He is at the helm. We have nothing to fear. He is the God of light. He is the God of hope. I testify that He loves us—each one."