Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Jeff Scares Me

Jeff is insanely good at scaring people. Or maybe I just get scared really easily. I hadn't thought of that until now. He is always hiding around a corner or crouching behind the furniture. He has been scaring me multiple times a day for the last 6 years. Sometimes he scares me without even hiding at all. I'll pretend I didn't get scared, but I'm a terrible liar, so he just has to look at my face to know he got me. Lately I've been trying to get him back. When we go up for bed at night, I'll pretend to go upstairs while he turns off all the lights, and then I'll hide on the bottoms step, waiting for him to come. The problem is, he takes too long. He'll stand there checking his phone, or he'll go in the kitchen and start brushing his teeth (does anyone else find that disgusting?) I'm not a patient person, and I also have ADD, so if he takes longer than about 30 seconds, I've gone to bed, or forgotten what I was doing, and moved onto something else. Sometimes it would have been a perfect scare, except Sadie comes around wagging her tail thinking she's such a good girl to have found me, and gives me away. Occasionally I'll get into position, Jeff will turn out all the lights, and I'll get scared. You probably know this by now, but I loathe our house. When all the lights are off, it's completely dark. Like, can't see your hand in front of your face, dark. We also have cockroaches. We have so many spiders that I don't even bother trying to kill them anymore. There are a lot of terrifying things that can happen while crouching on the stairs, in the dark. Anyway, here's to hoping I can finally get my crap together enough to scare my husband. Also, I really want to post pictures, but I can't log in to blogger on the computer for some reason, and it can't find my pictures on my phone. I'm sure there's an easy way to fix it, but I don't know what it is. Technology...*thumbs down*

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Shit Shave and Shower

I don't usually say swear words. Swearing makes me feel like one of those trashy girls I went to high school with in Payson. Like the ones I see on Facebook drinking beers and posing in their bikinis that they probably think they look really good in. Sometimes when I'm really pissed, like fuming mad, I'll say swear words in my head, and then I always feel guilty and have to repent later. Once in a while when Jeff and I get in a doozy of a fight, I'll say some swear words, and then later we always laugh about it, because I never really know how to put my swear words into a sentence, and they come out sounding ridiculous. The only time I can really get away with a good swear is at night when Jeff tells me he's going to shave and take a shower. For the next 15 minutes or so, I'll walk around the house saying "shit, shave, and shower." If you slurr all the words together, then you're not really swearing, after all.

I know what you really want is a picture of me in a bikini, holding a beer, but instead, I'll leave you with this picture of me doorbell ditching with my sister.

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Sorry Sample Lady

Today we had to go grocery shopping twice. Jeff finally got me on board for not spending all our money, so now I have to shop wherever I can get the best deal, and sometimes that means going to multiple stores. Today we started out at Walmart. I hate Walmart. For obvious reasons. I won't say what they are, because I've seen how mad you guys can get when I say stupid things (you guys ruin everything). Anyway, my kids were awesome. Like Henry didn't even ride in the cart. They all just walked behind me like little ducklings, and everyone told me how adorable they were. Grace and Henry sat down while I checked out, and I gave them suckers I had saved from the bank (I'm getting seriously frugal). Then we packed everything in the car, and ran home to unload. They waited patiently, and Jones didn't even get annoyed. Then we pulled back out and drove over to H.E.B. for the stuff we didn't want to get at Walmart. First of all, why would you name a store H.E.B? What does that have to do with food or shopping? It's actually a pretty cool store. They have lots of samples, so really, that's mainly why we go there. My kids were still pretty happy when we got inside. I let Henry play games on my phone, because I knew he couldn't behave himself for much longer. Grace started getting annoying, and grabbing things off the shelf, and saying "me want this!" in her baby voice. She thinks it's hilarious. I don't even like her at all when I hear her doing it. We came up on some samples, and I handed out crackers to everybody. We got to the best sample spot of all. There's always the same lady there, and she makes entire plates of food, and everything is always really good. Every time we shop at H.E.B. we see this sample lady, and my kids always act really awful. Henry will yell at her not to look at him, Grace will tell her all about her next birthday party, coming up in ten months, she'll comment on how many kids I have with me that day, and then they usually start hitting each other, and screaming bloody murder, and I'll walk away as we both raise our eyebrows at each other like, "Yup, move it along with your crazy family". She likes Jones, but I think she hates the rest of us. Today as I was coming around to see what she had cooking. I was thinking to myself how impressed she was going to be with how everyone was behaving themselves. As I'm making cheesy jokes with the cheese sample man next to her, I hear her yelling, "Ma'am!" And look up to see that Henry's sitting in the middle of the cart smiling and throwing cherry tomatoes at her. I had already stepped on one or two. People were stopping to help pick them up, and the sample lady got her broom out. We got them all picked up, and then for a grand finale Henry dumped all the rest into his lap where they fell through the holes in the cart, and rolled everywhere again. Anyway, it's going to be a while before we go back to H.E.B. I need to gain some of my pride back.

The 4th of July is coming up. Let's all make a goal not to say "merica" this year. Not even once. It's gonna be a great year!

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Stop with the damn eyeshadow.

Hi. It's been a while. So this is a little awkward. Let's just pretend nothing happened in the last year, and get on with the eyeshadow. What???? No. I had a baby, you guys. I have 3 kids now. 3rd time's the charm. Jones is the best baby, and my favorite child. He's so adorable. Ya know what else we did 3 times? Moved! We're so good at moving. We are now Texan's. We don't say ya'll yet, but I've been practicing in the mirror, and I think I'm ready. Truth be told, this move has been a real trial. Our last move, into our Orem house, was supposed to be a permanent one. We invested a lot in it, and it was perfect for our family, but after 2 of the shortest months ever, we repacked everything, and came here. We've grown a lot, and hopefully learned what we were meant to learn through this trial. I've seen Heavenly Father blessing us all along the way, and I'm so grateful for the knowledge that my prayers are answered. I would love to post more about our experiences one day, but I better get on with this before somebody finds me hiding in my room with this bag of year old holiday candy.

Anyway, on to what I'm really here for. What's up with all the makeup tutorials lately? Like, here's how I do my everyday makeup, and then here's how I do my going out makeup, and here's my, "natural look" makeup. What made people decide that anybody cares how they do their makeup? Why DO I care? I can watch these things for hours. And I'm always so pissed afterwards. "Watch how I do my easy everyday makeup!" 25 steps later, I'm pretty sure you can't call it easy anymore. Easy means I colored on some eyebrows, and put on some mascara. If I'm going out, I'll do my fancy makeup and use eyeliner. And you know what, I'm going to go ahead and say it looks good. People need to quit acting like contouring every part of your face, with $5,000 worth of makeup is "easy" or "natural". You're making the rest of us normal people look bad. I say we all stop wearing makeup altogether. It would save a lot of time and money, and we'd all just be equally ugly. That's what I call easy.

Now here's some pictures of my cute family, because nobody likes reading blogs without pictures.

Jeff's sweet dad passed away on Mother's Day, and we got to fly home for a week to be with family, and attend the funeral. Grace graduated from preschool and perfected her swimming already this summer. And yes...that is a book full of pictures of naked people that Henry is looking at.

Friday, January 23, 2015


I dislike all the negative attention non-vaccinators are getting because of the measles outbreak. The measles didn't start spreading because of people who were unvaccinated. In fact, if you read the two little lines, in the middle of the whole article they posted about it on KSL today, you would know that some of the people infected had in fact been vaccinated. Not vaccinating your children does not make you selfish or stubborn. To assume that the reasoning behind the decision not to vaccinate is based on outdated, falsified information is just ignorant. Parents have the right and the responsibility to make important health decisions for their children. I don't think there's anything selfish about it. It's a personal decision that, for all of the non-vaccinating parents I know, took a lot of thought, prayer, and research. You can't judge another parent for not making the same healthcare choices that you make. I don't go around verbally attacking parents who choose to vaccinate their kids. I think that they love their children, and they feel responsible for their health, and they made the best decision they could. For them. As did my husband and I, for us. So please stop. We're all doing the best we can here.  

Monday, January 5, 2015

If you don't have something nice to say....

When I was pregnant with Henry I got so fat and cranky that I just sat at home for 6 months, eating ice cream and Reses Puffs, and being mean to everyone. This time I vowed that I would be more pleasant. Things were going really well for the first couple months. Then I started feeling sick, and I don't know what happened, but I've lost all desire to be pleasant. It actually makes me feel better to be unpleasant. One day I went grocery shopping, and when I went to pay for my groceries, I didn't have my ID with me, so they wouldn't let me use my credit card. I yelled at the checker. Like in front of a whole line of people. And I wasn't even embarrassed. And then I took the suckers we didn't pay for out of my kids mouths, and put them on the counter, and everybody got to hear them scream all the way out of the store. Today I said some swear words and honked at an old man in his car. Sometimes when I'm out in public people will talk to me. Like they'll bump into me, and say sorry, or they'll comment on how cute my kids are. All nice things. But I hate them. I have awful thoughts, like why are you wasting my time talking to me about my cute kids? I know they're cute. I know that if I don't have something nice to say, I shouldn't say anything at all, but saying the awful things out loud really makes me feel good. Please tell me I'm not the only one who's this mean when she's pregnant. Right now I'm just enjoying that I've done this 3 times now, and I know it won't last forever. My poor kids need a nice mom again. Not to mention Jeff. He's nice for staying married to me.

We've been making some changes in our lives over the past few months. We decided to sell all our rental properties, because it would allow us to pay off all of Jeff's student loans, and get rid of the idiots who rent our houses. When you're a landlord you get to hear the most tragic stories about people's lives. Coincidentally, it's always around the time rent is due. For the first few months I really felt sorry for their dead mom's and lost jobs. Then, after 5 or 6 months, I realized I had been duped. So far we're down 1 house, and we've got 2 more to go. One of them should be closing any day now. It's such a relief to not have that burden every month. To not have to text or call our renters every single month around the 15th, and find out why rent hasn't been paid, and then panic when you can't get a hold of them for another week, and then drive to their house to post an eviction notice on their door only to find them home and well. With a fresh tragedy to explain why rent got pushed aside. Who doesn't pay their rent?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Like when you're trying to decide between paying rent and paying anything else, how does rent always lose?! Can I just say, if you are a renter, do not tell your landlord what you spent your money on instead of paying rent.

We really want to buy a house before the baby comes. We've been watching a lot of Rehab Addict, so we're loving the idea of buying a really old house, and fixing it up. We've gone back and forth with locations, so once we decide on that I think we can start looking for a house. That will be a fun little break from puking and yelling at my family. Despite my crankiness, we have been feeling really happy and blessed lately. We had a perfect Christmas with all of our family, and have been loving the kids. Grace has finally grown out of the terrible two's, and she's the best little helper. She practically takes care of Henry for me while I lay in bed all day. Henry has started the terrible two's, and is even worse than Grace was, but he's so cute, I can almost put up with it. So that's that. I'll blog again in another 6 months, and hopefully be telling you that I have a new baby, and a better attitude:) I was going to post some pictures, but I don't know how to get pictures off my phone, and onto my computer, and then onto this blog. I know, I'm such a Grandma. Instead I'll leave you with this.

Monday, September 29, 2014

I promise I'm not one of those weirdo's on Doomsday Preppers

Has anybody else been thinking about preparedness as much as I have? I don't know where it first came up for us, but in the last several months we've had dreams, lessons, books, and just random conversations on the topic. We've been told to get a years supply of food and water for decades now, but it seems like not many people have paid attention, including us. Now it's not brought up anymore. I think we've reached the point where we should have it, and if we don't we're about too late. We've been feeling some urgency to get prepared, and as we've followed those promptings I can feel the blessings starting to come. We're not there yet, but we've made a lot of headway in our food storage. We've also made a lot of connections through our preparedness efforts, and have learned a lot. If anybody is interested in getting more information please let me know. I have good stuff. Not like those food storage recipes and how you can store cans under your bed crap.

Sorry I quit blogging. I have to apologize because I know you've all been dying to hear what my kids have been doing, and to see every picture we've taken for the last 6 months. We've been really busy. Jeff and I both work, and have callings in our ward that take a lot of time. We also decided to sell all 3 of our houses, so we're remodeling 2 of them to get them ready to show. That has been really stressful, because while we're having to fund all of these updates, our renters have all decided to stop paying rent, and punch holes in doors and stuff. I think I'm being punished for all the bad rent checks I wrote when I was a teenager. Anyway, I miss blogging, and I wish I had more time, but I need to go take a bubble bath and watch Dance Mom's while it's still quiet.