Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Oh hey

So we're not buying a house after all. I wont give you all the boring details, because they're boring. For now we're going to rent an apartment in Draper, so Jeff will be closer to his work, and I will be closer to Ikea. Steff has been living with us for a couple months, so she'll come along too, and be closer to her hair school.

We're getting our puppy in three days, and it's all I think about. She's so cute and fat, and we can't wait to have her. Our apartment has tons of grass for her to run around and poop on, so she'll love that. P.S. I just accidentally put bird poop in my mouth. I don't even want to tell you how.

Grace has been kicking like crazy. I guess that probably means she's healthy. I haven't been as sick lately, and have been able to eat more, so that's nice. It means that I'm growing now too, though, so I will probably have to start wearing maternity clothes soon. I got attacked in a Motherhood Maternity store the other day at the mall by some lady who made me try on like fifteen things, and I had to escape while she had her back turned. I guess they probably realize how hideous all their clothes are, and have to resort to that in order to get any sales. I could never work there. I'm too honest, and would have to tell everyone how awful they look when they try things on.

I've been learning how to play the guitar. That's kind of a lie. I've been getting on Youtube and looking up tutorials for songs I like, and then when I decide it's too hard, I move on to another one. After an hour or two I just start blasting songs I wish I knew and singing really loud. I don't know if my guitar is tuned wrong or if I just play everything really really bad. Is there any way to know?

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


I was going to take pictures of our Thanksgiving, but I didn't, so sorry. I have two cameras sitting next to me, but neither one of them have moved from that spot in like 12 years. I'm a bad housewife. Modern housewife, because housewives in the olden days didn't give a crap about posting pictures of their lives on blogspot. They probably had more important things to do like bake bread. Not me. I shop at Maceys. I bet you thought I was going to write a blog about all the things I was thankful for. I really should. But I don't want to. Instead I will tell you all the things I would be thankful for if I was feeling thankful. Which I'm not. We're getting our puppy in about 3 weeks. 19 days actually. We finally bought a house. Kind of on accident. We found one that we loved a few weeks ago, and we put on offer on it, and then they received 3 other offers that we assumed were much better than ours, so we forgot all about it. Then on Monday they contacted us, and said they accepted our offer, so if all goes well we'll be moving in February. I wrecked my car again. Don't bother telling me your jokes about how I always wreck cars, because they're not funny. I'm thankful that I'm not dead. And especially thankful that I didn't knock Courtney's teeth out with my head. I'm thankful for my husband, because he's hot, and he lets me put my cold feet on him sometimes.

Friday, November 12, 2010


We're getting one of these.

P.P.S. Nobody ever told me how uncomfortable being pregnant is. Somebody needs to man up and give us the real story instead of that precious one I'm always hearing about babies "fluttering". I pee my pants almost every day now, and I get fatter and fatter every second. What the heck? All of you with sweet pregnancy stories are stupid.

Large and in charge

Monday, November 8, 2010

Rosemary is so bossy.

Latest update. Baby's doing good. I've started showing which makes being pregnant a little more fun. At least now people don't think I'm just a lazy-all-day-pajama-wearer with a strange fat roll. I feel more justified now when I eat 15 candy bars. We're almost halfway there, so we're starting to get some nursery stuff together, and that's super fun. I'll post pictures when we get a room set up. We're looking at houses to buy in Lehi, so we still don't know if we'll be staying here for a while or moving, and that's kind of annoying. Since I'm not working now I would love to be able to paint and decorate and stuff like that, but I don't want to waste my time if we're just going to move. Instead I've been doing other random crafty things like decoupaging anything I find lying around. I might be getting better at crafts. I've at least improved since my stupid Kessler wreath that left burn blisters all over my fingers. Who needs a hot glue gun when you have mod podge anyway?

Our birds are still going at it like the gay lovers we've brought them up to be. We're thinking about getting them a girlfriend. Speaking of pets, we finally got our dog. She's a 3 yr. old golden retriever that I found at the animal shelter. We instantly loved her. She was so smart and such a good girl. She just followed me around the house all day, and laid her cute little head on my lap when she got tired. Anyway, the day after we brought her home she started getting a cold, so I took her to the vet, and they put her on some antibiotics. The next day she was full on sick, barfing and refusing to eat. We laid by her all night, and tried to fix her any foods we could think of. She was just getting worse and worse, so first thing in the morning I took her to an animal ER. She was diagnosed with parvo, which is a really serious virus for dogs. They had her on an IV all day, and then we transferred her to our normal vet where they kept her on the IV for 3 more days, and then she passed away. So sad! We miss her a lot. We want to get another dog, but now that we have the parvo germs all over the house we're going to have to wait a while. Hopefully we'll have better luck on the 3rd dog. Welp, that's about all I have. Now you go and write your own blog Rosemary. I love to hear how much you hate your students. Oh and here's a picture. Just because I hate blogs without pictures.

Pedicures the day before our wedding. Yup my husband gets his toenails done.

Oh and P.S. My mom got us tickets to the Harry Potter premier party. I know you're jealous.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Quote from Elder Holland

Everyone wants to talk about homosexuality lately, and it's always so negative. This quote is so positive, and it can apply to any trial.

‎"And for anyone in whatever gay or lesbian inclination may exist, ... the marriage I have and the marriage I've seen my children have and I pray for my grandchildren to have, they say, 'For me it's an experience I'll never have.' And true to the Holland tradition, I burst into tears, and I say, 'Hope on, and wait and let me walk with you, and we'll be faithful, be clean, and we'll get to the end of this.'"

Thursday, September 30, 2010


Long story short- Car accident, hospital, ultrasound, we're having a girl! I'm going to think of a good old lady name for her. Your suggestions are welcome. Except if you suggest it then it wont be my idea, and then I wont be able to use it. So be sneaky in your old lady name suggestions. Outsmart me. It wont be easy, because I'm really pretty smart. Not school smart, but people smart. I can't be hoodwinked. So just don't suggest any names. It's my baby, and I'll name her thank you very much. Anyway, on to more important things. I'm getting bored, and I've decided that I hate Utah and want to move to New York. I told Jeff, and he's going to make some arrangements. He's a nice husband. In the meantime I'm going to have to find some mischief to get into or I'm really going to start acting out. I didn't do my visiting teaching this month. I guess that's a start. Bye.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Big Attractions

We love our birds so much. We get them out of their cage to fly around in the morning, we always keep them stocked with food and water, I talk to them all day and tell them how cute they are, we put them to bed at night, and I dream about them all the time. But still when I walk in the room they start whimpering like little puppies that are about to get beaten. You stupid birds.

Jeffrey says to blog about being pregnant. I told him nobody wants to hear about it, but I'll tell you anyway, because it's all I have to talk about nowadays. My days go as follows- Wake up, glare at everything, puke, read some Harry Potter, go back to sleep till 1:00, take a bath, puke, read some more hp, take a nap, Jeff comes home, try to get up and do something, puke, sometimes puke again, sometimes eat something, but then puke it up, watch a HP movie (same one or different one every night. I don't even care), lay in bed thinking about fun things to think about, go to sleep around 4:00. Sometimes wake up and say, "Where's my barf bowl?!", and then go back to sleep.

Anyway, besides that we got to take a little vacation to Oregon to visit Grandma and Grandpa. It was so good to see them, and we even got to go to the state fair with some other family. It was super fun. We got to pet tons of farm animals, and eat cotton candy, and caramel apples, and go on some rides. I barfed after the scrambler, and everybody watched me, and then I barfed like 12 more times when I got home, but all in all it was a nice vacation. I already miss Grandma and Grandpa!

Other important news- We have a feeling that we could possible be having twins. We have no reason to think that besides we think it would be fun, but Jeff does have lots of twins in his family, AND women tend to get sicker with twins. I'm no pregnancy expert, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I am sicker than most pregnant women. I can tell because I am the only one that walks through Walmart with my hand over my mouth, and rubbing my stomach. Anyway, I don't have anything else to talk about so....on to your own blogging. You've been lacking lately, and I don't appreciate it.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Oh hey

I'm not supposed to tell anyone, so naturally I have to. I'm pregnant! My mouth waters nonstop. I'll never go thirsty. Also, I pour an unnatural amount of sweat at the gym that makes me very self conscious, and I can't eat anything but snowcones. Baby better be cute. K bye.

Monday, July 19, 2010

You should be mine

Every day I look up free dogs on KSl, and every day Jeff tells me I can't have one. He's the meanest husband.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Husband husband husband husband husband husband

I feel like I can't blog anymore, because now that I'm married I have to blog about how much I love my husband, and all the cool things we do, and say husband five thousand times. Well we don't do any cool things, and if I love Jeffrey I will tell him myself. And I do. Even though he farted all morning long. And I have no interesting news besides we got a blow up pool in the backyard, and it's the funnest thing ever. Oh and our house is full of spiders. Guess who is the brave one who squishes them all with a paper towel. I am. No pictures because I get bored waiting for them to upload.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Love means never having to say expelliarmus

The other morning Jeff woke up and e-mailed me about a scary dream that he had. "It was so intense! I woke up sweating blah blah blah." Anyway, I was expecting to hear something super evil and horrible, but what I got was even better. His dream was about Voldemort chasing him, and using all these spells on him that weren't working. This is even funnier because Jeff is new to Harry Potter, and he gets the pronunciation of all the spells wrong. So in his dream he was probably throwing out his own version of all the Harry Potter spells. No wonder they weren't working. Anyway, before I thought maybe Jeff was only pretending to like Harry Potter, because he knows I'm obsessed, but now I know it's for real. He's so cute.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Blog already

Every morning I come in to the office (at least seven minutes late), pull my cell phone and water bottle out of my bag, turn on my heater, and check for new blogs. Day after day you do not blog. And when you do blog it is boring. Please try a little harder.

Sarah's wedding was super fun. Busy. And more driving than I think anyone should have to endure in one weekend, but I got to hold flowers and have my picture taken, and that's the most important thing. In case you were wondering, Natalie was super cute. Even though she was naughty. I like her even better when she's naughty.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Hey Mom's

Dear Mom,
Thanks for forcing me to eat food every time I come to your house. I only get mad because I'm on a diet, but deep down I want to eat everything you give me. Thanks for cleaning my room that one time in the blue house when I refused to. When I saw you go in there and shut the door I got so scared. I thought you were going to throw all my stuff away. But then when you came out 2 hours later and all my clothes were put away, and my bed was made I got even more scared, because I thought I was going to be in trouble. And I wasn't! Thanks for all those times you let me put my cold feet on you when I slept in your bed. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed till I was 12. Thanks for making me crushed ice and letting me watch Oprah with you in the rocking chair when I was supposed to be taking a nap. Thanks for yelling at Ms. Irons so she would give me credit for that big English assignment even though I procrastinated and turned it in late. Actually, thanks for yelling at all my teachers to get me out of trouble, even though I probably deserved it. I know they all hate you now, but I appreciate it. Thanks for buying me fruit snacks and goldfish all those times when I was sick. P.S. I like the Spiderman ones the best. Thanks for making us drink carrot juice every morning when you got that juicer. Thanks to you me and Jeff are getting a juicer, so I can make my own carrot juice! Thanks for getting even nicer as you get older. Thanks for taking me to the hospital all those times I told you I broke something even though nobody else believed me. You rock.

Dear Grandma,
Thanks for always putting money in new purses and wallets you give me. Thanks for taking us shopping when we were little. Thanks for letting me come to the pool with you when we visit. Thanks for letting us go through all your fancy rings and pick out the ones we want. Thanks for wearing red lipstick. Thanks for talking to me on the phone for hours when I lived in New York. Thanks for coming for Christmas sometimes. Thanks for making candy that everyone loves. Thanks for making awesome crafts. Thanks for getting even sweeter as you get older.

Dear Jeff's Mom,
Thanks for being so funny. I laugh so hard when I'm at your house. Thanks for taking care of me yesterday when I was sick. Thanks for calling Jeffrey every time we leave your house, and saying nice things about me. Thanks for having Jeffrey, by the way. He's the best thing you could have ever created. Thanks for being so patient. Sometimes I sit at your house, and watch the way you talk to your family with so much love and respect. I hope I can follow your example. Thanks for laughing at all my jokes even though they're probably not even funny. Thanks for throwing me a bridal shower. Thanks for always having the spirit in your home. Thanks for always having cans of whipped cream in your home.

Dear Steffany,
Thanks for not being crazy to me even though you're preggo and have an excuse if you are. Thanks for being excited for when I'm pregnant, so you can give me all the advice, and sympathize with me. Thanks for coming over sometimes without even making me bribe you. Thanks for being an awesome future mom. I already know that your kids will be cool, and I'll probably have to pay them to hang out with my kids.

Dear Jeffrey,
Thanks for buying me scuba gear even though I'm not a mom yet. You look so hot in your flippers. I love you.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Your blog is my best friend

I read alot of blogs, but none compare to this little gem I found today. Read it. And remember to thank your Heavenly Father every day for all the blessings that you have. And thank me for giving you this link. http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Halloween wreckers!

I was just sitting here at work thinking about Halloween, and then I started thinking about how lately people have been making these super awesome pumpkin carvings instead of the regular old smiley face. Dear awesome artist- I don't need to see your haunted castle with a warewolf howling at the moon next to my jack o'lantern. That's completely ridiculous. Take your impressive artwork elsewhere, and stop making the rest of us look bad. Happy Halloween.

And because I have no Halloween picures, here is an engagement preview for you....

Monday, April 19, 2010

Things and stuff

Hi. Ok anyway, so me and Jeff are going crazy with wedding planning. What I want to know is why everyone acts all cool about getting married. Every time it happens I'm like, "Hey, isn't this weird? Do you feel crazy, or stressed, or nervous?" And everyone's like, "No, not at all. We're just excited. Everything is fine. We're awesome." Well now I know you're all LYING!!!!! Planning a wedding is a nightmare. I almost yelled at the invitation guy the other day, because I thought that all of his invitations were ugly. And they were ugly. Why doesn't anybody make cute invitations? Anyway don't even act like any of you are better at getting married than I am, because I know that I'm good. There's just so much stuff to do all the time! Me and Jeff are e-mailing each other all day long at work trying to get things planned and taken care of, and I get so nervous and excited that I pretend I'm not really getting married at all, so I don't throw up. Jeff can't even talk to me about our honeymoon or I really will throw up. Have you heard that song, "You Run Away" by the barenaked ladies? They're so creepy! Ok so anyway, we did get one thing all taken care of. We got a house! We got a super good deal on a townhome in American Fork that's super cheap because it was repossessed. In my head that means that it's haunted, so I'm refusing to stay there. I am going to have to stay eventually, though, because my good friend Tiffany is taking the room where I am now in like a week. We've been moving stuff in here and there over the weekend, so hopefully by the end of this week we'll have everything in, and I can officially live there. We don't have much furniture yet, but we did buy a sweet couch on Saturday. It's huge! Jeff can actually lay all the way down, and not even hang his feet off the end. Nevermind that it's hideous. We'll just avoid looking at it. We also got a tv stand for the new tv Jeff got. I personally think that anything you can't buy at walmart for under $20 is too expensive, but Jeff really wanted a nice one, so we got big flat screen with HD and LSD or something. Jeff says that means it looks good. We decided that we don't want any cable, so we're just going to get lots of movies, and live on that. We love kid movies, so that's mostly what we have. It's really nice not to have to worry about nudity, and swearing, and violence, and stuff. I'm getting too sensitive in my old age, so I'd rather just watch happy kid movies. Anyway, we feel really lucky to have found the house, and we're way excited to live there. As soon as I have a priest come in and cast out all the bad spirits from the repo. Our favorite part is the big garden tub in the master bathroom. Friday night we sat in it (in our clothes you pervs) for like a half an hour. As for the rest of our wedding plans, we have alot to do before June, but we're getting lots of help from Steff, and Courtney, and Amy, and I appreciate it more than you guys know! They're all so creative, and have awesome ideas!

Besides that, the most exciting thing going on right now is that Sarah (my sister) is getting married in less than a month! Her and Ryan will be married in the St. George temple on May 14th, and I can't wait!

I'll post some pics when I get time.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Shut up. Please. Thank you.

Jeff took me to a play last night. I told him I hate play's, but he insisted on taking me on a "date". I told him I hate dates too, but he doesn't care. Anyway, I don't know what the plot was, or who fell in love with who, or how it ended. All I remember is that there was a lady behind me repeating every line to someone next to her and laughing. If Jeffrey hadn't been with me I would have followed that lady home and egged her house. Dear play lady- We're all in the same room. We heard what they said, and in case you didn't know, you are not in the play. Dear Jeffrey- If you ever take me to a play again I will egg YOUR house.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Dear my old roommates...

I had a dream about you guys last night. Perhaps I am fortelling your future. Good thing I have spellcheck so as to allow me to say the word fortelling. Anyway, I dreamt that I moved back into your house, but we all shared one big room, and Luke lived with us. Oh, and I slept in Rosemary's bed, because she was out on dates every night. For all her dates she spent hours getting her hair to look like this (see picture below).

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I quit facebook today.

Because I finally realized that I am addicted, for real, and on top of that they have sick ads everywhere, and I am just not in support. But that's beside the point. I need to talk, and since Steffany is not texting me back I need some attention from you. Recently me and Jeff have started thinking about moving to Arizona. He needs a new job, and I need to be warm and have a nice tan. It had crossed my mind before, but I really didn't even consider it at all until Saturday when the girl who did my hair (I got my hair dyed, so I'm not blonde anymore. Sad, I know, but it's for the best) told me that she's from Gilbert Arizona. At first I thought oh that's nice, I bet you think you're awesome because you get a great tan any time you want, but then she started telling me how it's such a nice place to raise a family, and that there are lots of LDS people there, but still alot of diversity. That got me thinking. I have been wanting to move somewhere warm for a long time, and Jeff has family in California, so that has been a big possibility. California doesn't feel good to me when I think about it though. It seems trashy there, and kinda scary, and it's pretty far away from Utah. I kept imagining living in a big mansion, and having a bunch of gangsters break into my house and steal my family jewels. And in my imagination I was Sandra Bullock. Anyway, now that Arizona has been brought up I feel so happy and excited, and Jeff loves the idea. It has the nice warm weather that California has, and it has a nice LDS environment too. It's everything I didn't even know I wanted. Plus it's closer to Utah, so we wouldn't be too far away from family. And to top it off I found out that Sarah and Natalie (my sister and niece) and Ryan (my soon to be brother in-law) are planning to move there so that Ryan can do his physical therapy training in Phoenix. It would be so nice to have them there with us, so we wont be totally on our own in a new place. And when babies come along, for either one of us, we will have some help around. So Jeffrey has been applying for jobs, and we've been praying that he'll get one. Send some good energy our way, and I'll keep you updated on the AZ progress.
I could be living here!

Friday, March 12, 2010

Words of wisdom from a nonexpert on things that don't matter

#1. When trying on a swimsuit squint your eyes and turn to the side a little. It looks better that way.
#2. Do not go places after working out thinking that you look good. You only feel good. It is an illusion.
#3. When you are 22 it is no longer cool to blast music in your car.
#4. Do not watch an intense movie when you're already upset. You'll bite all your nails off, and have hideous hands for a week.
#5. Talk to your grandma about your problems. She knows things.
#6. On the other hand. Don't let your coworkers talk to you about their problems. They will never stop.
#7. Listen to dirty rap songs while running, and pretend that you're in the music video. It distracts you from the fact that you're actually panting, and not at all attractive, and gives you more energy to keep going.
#8. Buy yourself a treat after a long shopping trip. You deserve it. And deep down inside you know that swimming suit didn't look good on you anyway.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Joy to the World

Lately I've been exploring things that make me happy, and here's what I've come up with:

1. Vertual shopping. I go onto all my favorite expensive store's webistes and pick out what I want, add it to my cart, and then I leave. It's like trying on clothes at the store, except I don't even have to mess up my hair or explain to them that I can't actually buy the clothes. I just want to pick them out, try them on, carry them around for a while, and then leave feeling like I have new clothes. Nevermind the fact that I don't actually.

2. Green tea late's and frappuccino's from Starbucks. I feel like everyone in Starbucks loves me, and I love them for not glaring at me when I come in with sweats on every day, and my hair all over the place.

3. Not doing my hair. Brush and go. It looks ugly, but what do I care? I just wont look at myself.

4. Going to movies by myself. I can see whatever I want, whenever I want, and I don't have to be bothered with questions about what just happened, or see you glance awkwardly at me out of the corner of your eye when I cry. Maybe if I'm lucky I"ll even buy myself a chocolate dipped ice cream cone after.

5. Painting. It keeps my hands and my mind busy. Never you mind that I have no painting skills. It serves its purpose anyway.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

I spilled some tea in my keyboard

Today I brought a Jack Johnson cd to work. I thought it might calm me down as I have to answer the phones all day and talk to the general public. In case you didn't know this already, the general public is so dumb! This one lady, for instance, called me yesterday, and said that she received an email stating that her credit card had been declined. She said that she was very offended, that we had the worst service in the world, and that she thought our e-mail was tacky. I apologized, and told her that I'd try running her card again. I got a message saying the card had been declined due to non-sufficient funds. She yelled alot, so I told her that I thought her trying to buy things when she has no money is tacky, and I hung up. Then sometimes I get people who over thank me. Only one thank you necessary. Nice or mean you all drive me crazy. Conclusion: Talking in my nice voice gives me a sore throat. And I hate people. Now I have to go because my Jack Johnson cd is skipping.

I don't really understand this picture, but I think it's funny that she's hitting him with a microphone.

P.S. I know my blog is halloween themed. Who cares. I like it.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Sometimes I get married, and this is one of those times

Have you noticed that I've been gone a while? Well good. I blame the lack of exciting or even somewhat interesting events in my life on nobody but myself, but being the just person that I am, I choose to take it out on you. Maybe it was uncalled for, but I don't care. This is my blog and I do what I want. Marriage is too big to keep quiet though, and I started feeling pains of guilt for keeping it from you all this time, so here it is. I am engaged to be wed, and that means that I'm going to get married. My fiance is hot, and that's the most important thing right now. The juicy details are too painfully adorable for me to even type in real words, so don't even ask me to. I'd like to thank all the people who didn't marry me before, so that I could be where I am today. Now that my thank you's are done I know that you are all starving for a wedding date, even though I don't understand why, because if I were you I'd want to know things like where you're going to live, and if you're going to have babies now or later, and what you're going to wear in your pictures, but I guess nobody is as nosey as I am, so I'll tell you right now that we don't have a date yet. We are thinking about a summer wedding, because Winter is depressing. Summer is the best thing I know, and Jeff is even more the best thing I know, so that's all I need to be happy. I love him like I love Jack Bauer on a rainy night, so with him I will stay for all eternity, and that is a long time.