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I've started putting Grace to bed without feeding her to sleep first. So far tonight she has been crying for 12 minutes. I have visions of breastfeeding two babies at the same time and waking up with both of them all night long. I'm afraid if I don't do something quick I'm going to be one of those mom's with crazy hair that yells all the time. I should have been working on this for the last few months, but it's hard for me to not let Grace nurse when she wants to. For now I'm just working on getting her to go to sleep on her own, and then we'll work on weaning completely. I started out with Grace very unorganized and completely without structure. I thought it would be better that way, and everybody knows I can't plan more than 5 minutes in advance anyway. It turns out that I was wrong. As usual. Now I'm stuck nursing all the time, and never knowing when bedtime is. People with kids Grace's age always ask me how many naps she takes, and how many hours she sleeps. I don't know the answers to any of those questions. She sleeps when she sleeps, and I can't remember how many hours that is from one day to the next. Now we are working on a routine, which I've always heard is good for kids. I think the truth is that it's good for parents. I now at least have Grace on a regular nap schedule, and it's been so nice! I can actually plan on having 2 hours to myself every day. To myself means picking up dog poop in the yard and doing laundry. Poor Grace had to be our trial baby. Now that we've made all the mistakes we know what to do better with the next one. Speaking of the next one, his room is almost finished, and I'm so in love with it. I hope he likes it. If not, then he obviously has no style.

I have officially switched doctors, and hospitals completely. I'm so unimpressed with the nurse midwives in Orem. They aren't midwives at all. They're just nurses, and if that's going to be the case then I might as well use a doctor that's just around the corner. I was starting to feel uncomfortable with delivering all the way down in Orem. What if I don't get there in time for an epidural? What if this baby comes even faster than Grace, and I don't even make it to the hospital in time? Plus Grace will be staying at home with my mom, and she wont be able to visit very easily when I'm so far away. Alta View hospital is just a few blocks away from us, so we have decided to deliver there, and we have heard great things about our doctor there. I feel alot more comfortable with this situation. We're super excited for a new baby in our house. Grace is obsessed with babies, and I know she's going to be such a good big sister.

Lately I've been thinking about how much mom's compare themselves to each other. I do it too. Sometimes I find myself feeling inadequate to raise children. I'm way too irresponsible. I don't even think I'm old enough to have kids. I'm only like 19 in my head. But being a mom is hard enough without having that anxiety. The truth is, we are mostly all good mom's. Different, but good. There are mom's in my ward who stick to perfect schedules, and have perfectly behaved children. There are mom's who have no schedule, and horribly behaved children (I think I'm the only one really in this category). I don't like feeling guilty when my child can't sit still in church, and runs around laughing and screaming instead. During my nephew's baby blessing a few weeks ago Grace was awful. My whole family was there to witness the naughtiness, and were talking about it afterwards. One of my cousins commented that she seemed happy. It's true. She is happy. We have alot to work on, but we're raising a happy child, and that's the most important to me. It's proof that I am a good mom. Even though I don't have a Petunia Pickle Bottom diaper bag. Anyway, Grace has gone to sleep, so it's time for me to eat a big bowl of ice cream, and do a word search. Have a happy week.