What we're all thinking, but never say outloud

I'm sorry for the unkind words I spoke out of hunger

I didn't see anybody important today, so I'll wear these same clothes tomorrow.

I wish I was someone else, so I could hear how funny I am.

I tried my best to see things from your point of view, but your point of view is stupid.

I think the "people you may know" section on facebook should be changed to "people I'm deliberately not friends with".

I may not be perfect, but parts of me are pretty awesome.

I'd be much more into your birthday if it was my birthday.

Sorry you were mean to me when we were little, and I grew up to be really hot.

My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.

Sorry I accidentally posted that terrible picture of you on facebook that I looked really hot in.

I do many things well, none of which generate income.

New clothes and unanswered prayers

I thought our plan was to keep a secret, but between me and Jeff, and both our big mouths I don't know if there's anyone left to keep a secret from. For those of you who don't know already....

Grace got a new shirt

In case anybody cares, that shirt I'm wearing is also new.

So Grace has been teething, and it's causing her to wake up several times every night. I'm super patient most of the time, but when my sleep is disrupted something happens inside me, and I start saying swear words, and thinking really mean thoughts. I keep running into blogs where mom's talk about how they appreciate the time they spend with their babies during the night. Not me. I've never been more pissed. This night waking has happened off and on since Grace was born. I think I am the only person I know with a child her age who has never slept through the night regularly. It's really hard for me to deal with, and when I feel like I cannot take anymore I always say a little prayer that Grace will go back to sleep, and stay there, so that I can as well. Not once has my prayer been answered. I mean, I have never gotten what I asked for. This has really really bothered me for a long time. I don't understand why I would not receive my request when I am feeling so desperate for help. Today a thought came to me that I am being prepared and strengthened. That I need to overcome this trial on my own, and that it will make me able to handle the things that are to come. Then I came across Beautiful Heartbreak by Hilary Weeks on youtube, and the words taught me something. It was a small reminder that my prayers do not go unheard, and that I am being prepared for greater things to come.

Also, watch this. It's hilarious.



Happy Thanksgiving

I know it's not November, but I'm thankful for some things.

• Our new car. Getting Grace in and out of our little Ford Focus was so hard. I hit my head and got plumbers crack every time. We got a bigger car in December, and I love the space. It also has a dvd player that I wasn't thrilled about at first, but it has helped me keep Grace entertained on long car rides, and that's so helpful.
• Our house. I know I've said this before, but I love our house. It's old, and ugly on the outside, and some things are broken, but it has character, and it's exactly what I had been wanting. It's only temporary, but I still enjoy it for now.
• Sadie. Sometimes I hate her, like when she jumps on our white couch with muddy paws, or puts her mangy ball on me, but she's so nice to Grace, and Grace loves playing with her. Jeff has been studying late every night, and I usually have to go to bed without him. I'm thankful for Sadie laying by me until he comes in. I don't need her to, but she's sweet and warm.
• My yoga class. I've been wanting to take a yoga teacher training course since I was 19, and I never thought is was going to happen. I'm thankful for Jeff for saying let's just do it. Teaching yoga isn't just a wish anymore. It's reality, and I love all that time I have for practice. I've been able to improve on so many things.
• I'm thankful for my newfound hobbies. Gardening, refinishing old furniture, and decorating. I was feeling depressed for the first little while after I had Grace, because I could no longer work, I didn't have extra money to spend, I had nowhere to go, and nothing to do. When Jeff came home from work I didn't have anything to talk to him about. I started working on old furniture, and selling it. That created extra money, and something to keep me busy. Then I started working on things for our own house, and I started fixing up our yard. Now my days are full of real chores, and not just ones I make up to try to keep busy.
• I'm thankful for the bike I got for Mother's Day. I've been wanting one for a long time, and it's super fun.
• I'm thankful for our Mom's for babysitting Grace. They're the only people we trust, and it allows me to go to yoga, and for me and Jeff to have a date night.
• Grace. She's the cutest baby I've ever known. I love being able to stay with her all day. She's smart and funny, and I never get tired of her.

She has a weird obsession with toothbrushes.



Some things

Remember this hideous thing?

I ripped it off the wall the other day.

I guess technically I'm not supposed to remodel things in this house since we don't own it, but look how much better this looks

See that little hole in the wall next to the outlet? I ripped out that ugly mirror too.

Grace is saying mama, and I think she actually knows what it means now. She also started running today. She can sit down when you tell her to, she can find her baby, and bounce it while she pats it's back, she can attempt to take her clothes off when you tell her it's time to take a bath, she can nod "yes", throw a ball for Sadie, climb on and off of things by herself, she hits me when she gets mad, holds her own bowl, and feeds herself, and laughs at farts. Like a true Kessler.

Bye. Oh I've been working on a table and chairs for our back deck, but it didn't turn out good, so I'm not going to show you. Just know, if you come to my house, that I know it doens't look good. And also, if you go shopping for summer clothes, and you are not tan, you're not going to look good in shorts.

Bloggy Boombalottie

Today I laid out in the backyard and tanned. Ya know, to get better looking. I haven't really tanned at all since I found out I was pregnant, because I got sick so fast, and then I was just preoccupied. I didn't realize it had been so long since my skin has seen the sun, but in case you are wondering, I didn't get better looking. It backfired. For some reason I tanned okay in the front, but got red streaks all down the back of my body. When I was done tanning, and I did my normal stand in front of the mirror naked to see what my results are I was sorely disappointed.
Yesterday Jeff told me that he was going to start his own blog, and call it "Bloggy Boombalottie." So...you can all look forward to that.

Something interesting has been happening in yoga the past couple weeks. I usually kind of dread going to my classes, because we're doing something more fun at home, or I'm too tired, or too busy. Saturday's are especially hard. But during my practice I've found some of my own personal weaknesses that I have been working on, and lately I've been looking forward to my practice time, so I can improve on these things. I guess this is kind of a milestone for me. It has become more personal, and I've recognized a need that can only be met with yoga practice. In our theory class we always talk about a change happening in the body. You hold your class in a pose until you begin hearing your students sigh, give in, let go. This means that the pose has taken effect. I think my yoga practice has begun to take effect. I don't think I've ever mentioned my headaches, but I get them all the time, because of the way I strain my neck constantly. This is slowly going away, and I've learned to let go. This is a physical and a mental change. Releasing the head physically is just an outward expression of what is going on inside. I'm practicing leading with my heart, and not my head. Letting my constant thoughts be still for a while. Giving myself a rest.

So Mother's Day is coming up. I hate when people are required to be nice to me and give me gifts. Not! I'm getting a bike, and I can't wait!

Grace's favorite activity-pulling out all the dishes, and sitting in them.

This is a desk Jeff refinished last week. I love it. He did so good.

And Grace thinking she's super funny in her panda hat from Aunt Sarah

And a picture of me after I tried to tan. Not. Yeah right!

Current hates

1. When people take pictures of themselves. Seeing them on facebook is painful.
2. Hearing other people's baby voice. I know you have to do it, but I hate hearing it.
3. When people fart in bed. And by people I mean Jeffrey.
4. Whining children.
5. When I kill my plants.
6. Making dinner.
7. People who don't laugh at my jokes.
8.When I find out my dog poop picking up glove has a hole in it.
 9. People who call Grace a "little guy" when she is wearing pink.

Current loves-

This



Trash

Tuesday is garbage day on our street. I usually remember to put the can out, but once in a while I forget. This morning I forgot, and around 8:30 I heard a honk outside. Our garbage lady was sitting in front of the house waiting for me to bring the can out. I love her.
Grace got her first pair of shoes about a week ago. I know, she probably should have been wearing shoes a while ago, but it just seemed weird to restrict a baby like that, and I assumed she would hate them, because she refuses to wear socks. I was wrong. She loves them. She wears them all the time, and if she's not wearing them, she brings them to me, and sits down, so I can put them on her. The other night she slept in them, and in the morning when I took them off she wanted them right back on. Her feet smell so bad, and I love it.

Last night I had to go to a defensive driving class. It was 4 hours long, and I loved every minute of it. We heard super interesting statistics, and laws, and stories. The teacher was awesome, and everyone actually took notes. Maybe I am a little more eager to become a better driver, because I have my baby, and sometimes my dog, in the backseat, but I hope everyone else was paying attention too, because these are people I have to share the road with. The lady next to me tried to bond with me over how boring it was. I wanted to punch her. Anway, seatbelts save lives. For real. And obey the speed limit for heavens sake. It's there to protect you!