What we're all thinking, but never say outloud

I'm sorry for the unkind words I spoke out of hunger

I didn't see anybody important today, so I'll wear these same clothes tomorrow.

I wish I was someone else, so I could hear how funny I am.

I tried my best to see things from your point of view, but your point of view is stupid.

I think the "people you may know" section on facebook should be changed to "people I'm deliberately not friends with".

I may not be perfect, but parts of me are pretty awesome.

I'd be much more into your birthday if it was my birthday.

Sorry you were mean to me when we were little, and I grew up to be really hot.

My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.

Sorry I accidentally posted that terrible picture of you on facebook that I looked really hot in.

I do many things well, none of which generate income.